


By the Light of the Moon

by a1_kitkat



Category: Roswell New Mexico (TV 2019)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Historical, Drawing, Feelings, First Kiss, First Meetings, First Time, Friendship, Hello Again Spoilers, M/M, Malex, Piano, Propositions, RMS Titanic, Segregation, Sharing a Room, Sketches, Slow Build, Slow Burn, Slow Dancing, Suicide Attempt, Titanic References, Wooing, end of his tether kyle, falling for two people at once, heartbroken michael, innocent Alex, posing, torn between two guys
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-17
Updated: 2019-04-17
Packaged: 2020-01-15 12:21:15
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 18,190
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18498871
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/a1_kitkat/pseuds/a1_kitkat
Summary: Alex is a third-class passenger on the RMS Titanic.On board, he meets two very different men; Michael, a fellow third-class passenger and Kyle, a wealthy Doctor travelling in first-class. During the ill-fated voyage, both men manage to draw Alex's eye and affections but when the luxury ship is struck by an iceberg, Alex must make a decision. A life or death decision.(Basically a retelling of Titanic but think Michael as Jack, Kyle as Rose and Alex as the young man they both fall in love with instead of each other)





	1. The Ship of Dreams

**Author's Note:**

> A few notes...
> 
> This fic was inspired entirely by Tyler Blackburn in 'Hello Again' but as it's only like a ten minute scene, I padded the rest out with scenes from the James Cameron Titanic movie. 
> 
> Written for NaNoWriMo April 2019
> 
> In my mind, this is both a Malex and a Kylex fic even though Alex can only end up with one of them (or neither, depending on how it plays out)

It was early morning, the sun barely up to peek through the sparse clouds as Alex crawled out from under the dirty tarp, he’d been sleeping under for the past three nights. He reached for his rucksack and shouldered it, thankful he’d never have to sleep here again and he rummaged in the bottom of the bag to double, possibly triple check, that his literal ticket out of here was still in a safe place.

He climbed to his feet and slowly trudged the familiar path through the streets to the dock. Alex had walked it several times over the past week so he’d be certain to find his way when the day finally came and here it was. At long last, he was about to leave Southampton behind and return home to America.   
Not that America had ever truly been his home. His parents having moved him across the sea when he’d been a small child but now both his parents were gone and he had nothing to keep him here; he was determined to return to America and build himself a better life although anything was better than what he had right now. His few meagre possessions were stored in his rucksack which he carried with him everywhere he went.

Alex had spent every last cent on a one-way ticket to America aboard the largest ship ever built. The ship of dreams it had been dubbed and, as he stood on the dock, looking up at the breathtaking sight before him, he knew it was. Once he set foot on board such a grand ship, his life would change forever. He was certain of it.   
He moved through the eager and excited crowd. Cars and boxes and luggage were blocking every path but he just smiled and took it all in. His new life started today and he didn’t want to miss a second of it.

The ship stood tall and majestic, for a moment he just stared at it in complete awe. Someone not watching where they were going bumped into him and he immediately apologized for having stopped in the middle of the thoroughfare. He tried to brush the dirt from his pants, suddenly very self-conscious of all the extremely wealthy passengers milling about around him.  
Alex started towards the ship, watching his step as he made his way closer and closer. He joined the end of a very long line of fellow third-class passengers as he tried to keep his excitement in check. All around him, the hustle and bustle of other excited travellers proved too difficult to ignore and he found himself smiling at each person who met his eye.

Walking alongside the line of passengers still waiting to board, a young man similar in age to Alex, perhaps a few years older, held his head high as he shoved his hands in his pockets. His eyes appeared to be darting all over the place but he also seemed indifferent to the large ship.  
He was being followed by another man, possibly a butler or valet but he was ignoring everything the man was saying to him as he produced a pocket watch and checked the time with a very loud sigh.

Alex couldn’t take his eyes off him. The man walked with a confidence he wished to one day possess; there was almost a swagger in his hips and when the man looked up, met Alex’s gaze, he felt himself blush at having been caught staring. To his surprise, the man merely smiled and tipped his hat to him. This simply made Alex blush an even deeper shade of red but he didn’t look away. Their eyes remained locked until the wealthy gentlemen licked his lips and Alex felt a shiver down his spine, quickly averted his gaze. The line moved forward and when Alex looked up, the rich stranger was gone.

His heart was beating faster as he clutched his ticket in his hand and was directed to an inspection point. Once cleared, he stepped on to the gangplank and started towards the ship. All around him he could hear the excitement but he fought to maintain his decorum. He was stopped again, his ticket inspected again then he was given a cabin assignment and the next thing he knew, he was officially on board the Titanic.

The ship was every bit as impressive on the inside too though he was well below deck and he quickly fell behind the large group of other passengers all on their way further below in search of their lodgings. He turned a corner, still admiring his surroundings and walked straight into a fellow traveller. The weight of his body and his rucksack was enough to send both of them falling to the ground with Alex atop.

Eyes wide in shock and embarrassment, he hurried to apologize as he struggled to extract himself from both his bag and the stranger beneath him. As they untangled themselves, the passenger climbed to his feet then reached out a hand to help Alex. He accepted it and was pulled to his feet with ease but he stumbled and, once again, knocked into this poor suffering stranger.

“Please forgive my clumsiness” he declared as he looked at the man’s face.  
Deep hazel eyes peered back at him from under a mop of unruly brown curls. His mouth curled up on the right in a half smile that Alex took as a positive sign that the stranger was not offended by his actions; their hands were still grasped.

“Don’t worry about it” he drawled “I stopped to get my bearings”  
“I believe I took a wrong turn myself” Alex explained.  
“Which way are you heading?”  
“Down”  
“Me too… Maybe we could help each other find the way?”  
“Perhaps so”  
“Uh… I’m Michael, by the way… Michael Guerin”  
“Pleasure to meet you, Mr Guerin. Alexander Manes”

Since they were still holding hands, Alex took the opportunity to shake his hand in greeting. Another smile was exchanged before they both let go.  
“Alexander is quite the mouthful” Michael said to him.  
“Alex is fine, Mr Guerin” Alex replied as he picked up his bag.  
“Michael” he corrected him “Mr Guerin is too formal for me”  
“Very well”  
“After you”

Michael indicated for Alex to lead the way then he fell in step beside him. The halls weren’t exactly narrow but Alex was very aware of how closely Michael was walking beside him. He wasn’t the best at small talk so he asked which cabin he should be looking for, when Michael told him he was surprised to learn they were both searching for the same cabin.

“So you’re traveling alone?” Alex tried to keep the conversation going.  
“Yeah” Michael replied as he stopped to read one of the information signs. “You?”  
“Yes”

When Michael said nothing further, Alex fell silent too. He didn’t know how to do this, had never really had friends to converse with but he didn’t take Michael’s silence as a bad sign. Perhaps he was just as useless at small talk as Alex.

It took longer than they originally anticipated before they managed to find the right path and eventually located the correct quarters with the rest of the third-class passengers. Michael pointed to a door and opened it, held it open for Alex to lead the way inside. The room was small with but three bunks and a wash basin. Only one other occupant was inside and he appeared to eye them both curiously.

Alex smiled in greeting and extended his hand but the gruff man simply snorted and muttered something about not understanding English. He turned to see Michael’s reaction but he was rather indifferent to the brashness of their cabin mate and simply waved Alex back towards him.

“So… you uh want to share a bunk?” Michael asked him.  
“Uh… Yeah… Sure” Alex stammered.  
“Top or bottom?” Michael offered.

His eyes flickered towards the beds. It wasn’t much but he’d been sleeping on the ground for nearly a week, anything slightly resembling a bed was about to be a luxury for him and would be for the next week.

“Sorry?” Alex realized he hadn’t heard him, too distracted by the thought of sleeping on an actual bed. Michael chuckled and he blushed.  
“Do you have a preference?” Michael asked “top or bottom?”  
“Uh no” Alex paused. He’d never been asked a preference before; it was an odd feeling. “I uh I’m fine with either so uh you can uh you can choose”

Michael nodded in understanding and threw his overstuffed bag onto the bottom of the bunks.  
“Don’t get me wrong” he said with a smile “I’d love the top but I just don’t have the energy and probably won’t for the whole trip”  
“Energy?”  
“To hoist myself up… I plan to be loaded for most of the journey”  
“Loaded?”  
“Drunk”  
“Oh”

Alex didn’t entirely understand. He automatically assumed he wasn’t the best sailor, maybe prone to seasickness and alcohol would help that. He wasn’t sure but nodded his head anyway as he placed his rucksack on the top bunk.

A sound from above caught his ear and Alex turned to Michael.

“Does that mean…?” He started to ask.  
“Ships leaving” Michael told him.

The excitement finally got to him and he grabbed Michael’s hand, asked if he wanted to join him up on the deck but was disappointed when Michael shook his head and suggested he go alone. Alex simply nodded then hurried from the room. He wasn’t as nervous about getting lost as he only needed to head up.

After a surprisingly short trek, he stepped out onto the deck and into the sunshine. Hundreds of passengers were also on the deck yet he managed to manoeuvre through the throng until he reached the railing and stared down to the dock below. Hundreds more people were waving goodbye; he didn’t know any of them but every other person around him was cheering and waving so he followed suit, smiling and waving to the nameless, faceless people far below.

Alex stayed on the deck until the dock and land had long disappeared from sight. His fellow passengers had already dispersed, all finding other activities to amuse themselves with or returning to their state rooms. He turned around, leaned back against the railing and tilted his head back. Closed his eyes, inhaled the sea air and took a deep breath. A smile of content spread across his lips.   
It was finally happening; he was leaving his old life behind and embracing an entirely new one. He was aboard the ‘ship of dreams’ and all of his were destined to come true now, he was sure of it.


	2. A Perfectly Timed Encounter

Alex didn’t move for a long time; simply stood against the railing and soaked in his surroundings. He was certain people were watching him, his strange behaviour and likely judging him but he was too happy to bother with people like that. Also, he was on the section of the deck that allowed third class passengers, most if not all, those surrounding him right now were possibly no better off than he was.   
He opened his eyes and looked around. Maybe there was no one here worse off than he… for everything he owned was in his rucksack down below. He had no family waiting for him on either end of the journey. When he arrived at his destination, he would be equally as poor but hopefully with more possibilities and opportunities presenting themselves for him.

He thought of Michael, his cabin mate with his messy curls and wondered what his story was. What had brought him on board this grand ship? Why was he traveling alone? Was he heading home or just away on a trip? He hoped to ask these questions to him soon without him thinking Alex was prying into his personal life.

Something caused him to look up at the deck above, where the first-class passengers were allocated. A prime spot for them to look down upon those traveling in lower classes. The men in their pressed suits, the women in fancy dresses. Alex couldn’t help wondering what it would be like to own clothing so fine. 

One particular gentleman was staring down at him and Alex gasped for he recognized him as the man who’d tipped his hat to him back on the dock. He remembered the way he’d none too subtly licked his lips and Alex had shivered in delight. Now, as they stared at each other, Alex waited for him to do it again. When the man gave no indication of remembering him, Alex looked away and down at his clothes. He definitely looked the part of a third-class passenger.

Trying not to feel dejected, Alex moved away from the railing and the watchful gaze of the wealthy, handsome stranger in order to make his way back down to his quarters. He hadn’t paid much attention on the way up so was forced to stop a crewman to ask directions. When he finally reached his cabin and went inside, he was disappointed to not see Michael there anywhere.

Deciding he didn’t particularly want to get to know the rest of his bunk mates just yet, he opted to find the onboard baths since he hadn’t bathed in several days and assumed the ones on board would grow busier the longer, they were at sea,

After he’d bathed, he decided to explore the decks which were open to the third-class passengers and quickly located the mess hall and the bar. A band was already playing though not very loudly and over by the actual bar with a drink in his hand, was Michael. He didn’t want to appear overbearing but so far, he was the only person on board that Alex knew so he made his way over to join him.

Michael spotted him on his approach and immediately pulled out a chair for him. Alex sat beside him and ordered a drink. 

“How was the view?” Michael asked.  
“Stunning” Alex replied “I’ve never been on a ship so grand… I don’t recall ever being on a ship before”  
“There’s all the same” Michael threw back his drink and immediately ordered another.  
“They say this is the grandest in the fleet; a ship of dreams… an unsinkable one at that”  
“All dreams turn to nightmares eventually”

From the tone of his voice, Michael truly believed what he was saying. For the first time, Alex saw the pain behind his hazel eyes and wanted desperately to ask him about it.

“Such a… bleak outlook, sir” Alex tried to lighten the mood.  
“It's not bleak, its reality” Michael assured him.  
“My dream is to start a new life in a new city”  
“That was mine too” Michael ordered another drink “and now here I am running back home, away from the new city and back to the old one”  
“Did you not like the current one?”  
“I did when I arrived but everything is unpredictable” he picked up the glass “and some days everything hurts and all you want to do is forget”

Alex’s heart ached for this broken man sitting before him. He longed to think of something, anything he could say or do to help him but nothing came to mind. So he simply ordered another drink for himself and stayed by his side, in case he felt the need to share more of his story without Alex asking. Michael didn’t open up any further but occasionally his eyes would meet Alex’s and his mouth would curl into a small smile. He took it to mean that, despite not saying the words, Michael appreciated his presence and that was enough to make Alex smile to himself.   
Seven days aboard this ship would be plenty of time to, hopefully, build a friendship with this broken man and possibly help to mend him.

*

The evening meal was nothing as grand as the first class or even second-class passengers would be privy to but the company more than made up for it. Everyone on board, save for a scant few, were jubilant and excited to be aboard ‘the ship of dreams’. Alex heard people all around sharing their stories, their excitement for the future, what awaited them when they reached their destination. He listened excitedly but didn’t share much of his own tale; beside him Michael remained tight lipped himself.

Afterwards, a space was cleared and the band began to play. All around them the passengers leaped to their feet and started to dance the night away. Alex longed to join them but there was so many things holding him back; his inability to actually dance being the main factor along with his lack of dance partner. He didn’t feel comfortable asking any of the young women to join him but the band were lively enough he was able to clap along and still have a wonderful time.

It wasn’t overly late though when he noticed Michael’s interest had waived so he decided to take a chance on this budding friendship. He leaned over and asked if he’d like to take a walk. Michael stared at him for a moment, as though really considering his words before he nodded his head in agreement. Heart racing at his boldness, Alex stood and led the way from their table to the nearest staircase. Together they made their way up the floors to the main deck. The sound of the party below faded as they moved further and further away.

Alex didn’t say much as they walked, still slightly in shock that Michael had agreed to accompany him. They stepped onto the deck and Alex immediately felt a cold shiver and wrapped his arms around himself. Out the corner of his eye, he saw Michael reach for him, as though his instincts were to make sure he was okay but Michael quickly caught himself before making physical contact. When their eyes met, Alex smiled and took a step to make it appear he hadn’t witnessed Michael’s actions.

The deck was essentially deserted so they walked in silence for a while; Alex moved to the railing he’d occupied earlier and stopped to look up at the stars and the moon. It was a clear night so he could see them all shining so brightly.

“Have you ever seen anything so… magnificent?” Alex asked Michael.  
“A few times” Michael admitted as he moved to stand with his back to the railing like Alex was “the trip over was… breathtaking”  
“Which ship were you on?”  
“I don’t remember”  
“You don’t re-”  
“My wife took care of all that stuff”

Michael’s admission hit Alex like a punch in the stomach. He was married? How had he not picked up on this fact? Where was his wife? Why weren’t they traveling together? Was she waiting in America for him? Alex’s heart went out to Michael; no wonder he was so sad, broken. He’d been separated from a piece of his heart and longed to be reunited.  
Too much time had passed without Alex saying anything, he knew he had to say something.

“Is she a good travel planner?” Alex winced at how lame his question was.  
“The best” Michael smiled “only the best of the best for her”

Alex nodded in understanding and looked away, towards the stern of the ship. A lone figure stood in the very centre of the railing and it took a moment before Alex realized he was standing on the wrong side. His eyes widened and he grabbed Michael’s arm in shock.

“Michael look!” He cried as he pointed to the man “I think he’s going to jump”  
“Idiot” Michael declared.  
“Come on, we’ve got to do something”  
“Alex, don’t get involved. If his minds made up-”  
“Come on!”

Alex didn’t stay to listen to Michael’s protests; he took off at a brisk pace and hurried across the deck until he was only a few feet from the well-dressed man.

“Please don’t do this!” Alex begged, slightly out of breath.

His heart was pounding as he looked on at the man on the wrong side of the railing who turned his head to look at him. Alex stared as, for the third time, he found himself looking at the wealthy stranger from earlier.

“Sir” he started “please, come down from there”

The man stared back at him; his eyes were filled with tears but he appeared to show some recognition towards Alex.

“You… You can’t change my mind” he shouted.

Alex looked around for anyone who might be able to help but even Michael seemed to have vanished so he took a step closer but stopped when the man slid further away.

“I saw you on the dock” Alex began “and on the deck after departure”  
“Did you?”  
“My name is Alexander; Alex”

The man swallowed as his eyes flickered between Alex and the water far below.  
“Kyle” he replied.  
“What are you doing up there, Kyle?”  
“I don’t have a choice”  
“Of course you do”

He didn’t even know what he was saying, just felt it was important that he keep him talking. Maybe someone else would come along any minute and have better luck?

“Tell me, what do you do?” Alex asked him.  
“Do?”  
“Work… Your job”  
Kyle swallowed again and looked at Alex. His tears having stopped for the moment.  
“I… I’m a Doctor”  
“A Doctor” Alex smiled; he was impressed. No wonder he owned such fancy clothing. “That must be challenging and rewarding” Kyle nodded his head. “Have you uh saved a lot of people?”  
“A… A few”  
“Don’t you want the opportunity to save more?”  
“What?”  
“Well… you uh you went through school and all that training to become a Doctor and help people… if… if you jump… think of all the people who you won’t be there to help in the future”

Kyle squeezed his eyes closed and shook his head.  
“There are other Doctors out there” he argued “better ones than me”

Alex moved another step closer then another until he was almost close enough to touch him but he didn’t reach out, not yet.

“Did you lose someone?” He asked “is that why…?”  
“No” Kyle let go with one hand to wipe his face and he stumbled but caught himself just as Alex reached for him. His fingers curled around Kyle’s bicep and they each looked into the others eyes.   
Alex’s heart was racing at how close Kyle had been to falling to his death. He stared into his terrified eyes and was sure Kyle could see he was equally as scared.

“Please, just let me go” Kyle whispered.  
“I can’t” Alex replied “you might let go if I do”  
“Why would you even care?”  
“I… I… I can see you’re upset but surely you don’t want to do this”  
Kyle sniffled and shook his head no.  
“So why are you?” Alex asked him. “What brought you here, possessed you to climb over the railing?”  
“I… I just want to be free”  
“Free?”  
“To be… be myself I guess”  
“Why can’t you… be yourself?”

Kyle shook his head again and blinked back a fresh wave of tears. He carefully turned his entire body around so he was facing Alex who was still holding onto his arm. His fingers curled around the railing so tight they turned white.  
“You wouldn’t understand” he whispered “wouldn’t expect you to understand…”  
“There’s always a way” Alex replied.  
“Not for me, not for this”  
“But, Sir… Kyle… think of the people who love you, who’ll miss you” it was a gamble saying these words as Alex himself had no one in his life to miss him.  
“They’re better off without me” Kyle said as he averted his eyes.  
“How can you say such a thing? I’ve barely known you five minutes and I feel that I would miss you”

Kyle slowly looked up at Alex from beneath his lashes, his eyes glistening with fresh tears. He reached out and placed his hand upon Alex’s cheek; his fingers were cold, almost numb, but Alex didn’t flinch away. He could see this was important to him. Kyle leaned closer and rested his forehead against Alex’s then closed his eyes. For a moment, he wasn’t sure what to do; could definitely smell brandy on the man’s breath but he continued to hold onto his arm, afraid to let go from fear of losing him.

Then Kyle’s lips were on his in a desperate kiss and Alex froze in utter shock; now he could taste the brandy on Kyle’s lips but he didn’t move, didn’t return the gesture but didn’t pull away either. When Kyle eventually broke the kiss, he opened his eyes; Alex saw the fear and the defeat so plainly on his face.

“Thank you” Kyle whispered in his ear.  
“What?” His heart was thumping rapidly in confusion.  
“Thank you for letting that be the last thing I did”  
“Huh?”

Alex had no idea what he was talking about until he saw Kyle’s hand leave the railing then he tried to take a step back but Alex was too fast for him and caught his hand as Kyle almost fell.  
Now Kyle was dangling; far below the water was dark, choppy and ice cold but Alex refused to let go even when Kyle looked up at him, an apology in his eyes. He leaned over; eyes locked with Kyle’s as he yelled for him to take his other hand.

“If you think I’m going to let you go after that then you’re wrong, sir” Alex shouted at him. “You shouldn’t just give up like this”  
“Give me one reason not to” Kyle shouted back.  
“So you can kiss me again” Alex pleaded.

Kyle’s eyes held Alex’s and he knew the rich doctor was trying to determine if he was being serious or just saying what he thought he wanted to hear but it must’ve worked for Kyle finally reached up and grabbed Alex’s other hand. They worked together to hoist Kyle back onto the railing then back over and onto the deck. 

Alex’s heart was still racing; from having saved Kyle’s life or the fact they were still holding hands, he wasn’t sure but he slowly released Kyle’s hand and nervously smiled at him.

“Thank you” Kyle whispered. “Thank you, Alexander”  
“Are you alright, sir?” Alex asked him.

Kyle nodded his head and reached into his pocket before he took Alex’s hand again.   
“For your silence” he insisted.

When he pulled away a second time just as a security patrol appeared and began to yell at Alex for being where he shouldn’t. Alex apologized, stated he must’ve taken a wrong turn on the deck and would, of course, head back below deck immediately. He turned to say goodbye to Kyle but the distraught doctor was long gone. He looked down and found a small wad of notes in his hand. The doctor had paid him off because that was what rich people did. He sighed to himself before he turned and made his way back inside, headed towards his own cabin. Alex didn’t want Kyle’s money, he just wanted Kyle to be okay.

He returned to his room to find Michael still awake, a sketchbook open in front of him and he appeared to be drawing something. Alex didn’t acknowledge him at first, still annoyed that he’d chosen to walk away instead of help.

“Did you manage to talk him down?” Michael asked him.  
“Well uh… he’s still on board if that’s what you mean” Alex snapped.  
“So, you bought him a few more hours”  
“What are you talking about?”  
“Men like him, the woe of being too rich and having too much money… When they’ve had enough, they find a way out. You may have stopped him tonight but he’ll try again, they always do and they always find their way out”  
“And how would you know?”  
“I’ve been around, I seen enough of it”  
“Well if that’s what he wants then… I did what I could”

Alex reached into his knapsack and shoved the notes Kyle had given him to the very bottom.  
“Look, it’s nice of you to care when you clearly didn’t up there” Alex said to him “but I did my best, the rest is up to him”  
He climbed onto the bunk and kicked off his shoes, curled up to go to sleep. Below him he could still hear the scratch of Michael’s pencil, feel the sway of the ship and he closed his eyes; all he could see was Kyle’s terrified eyes, taste his brandy smothered lips and feel Michael’s almost touch of his lower back as they walked along the deck.   
Titanic truly was the ship of dreams for he’d been on board less than a day and his dream of having just one friend in his life was maybe already coming true.


	3. Getting to Know You

It was the best sleep he’d had in a long time even with the sounds of the engines and he awoke in the morning feeling unusually refreshed. Two of his cabin mates were still sleeping, two other bunks were empty. He dared to peer over the edge of his bunk to see if Michael was still there and could just see the mop of curls on the pillow. He smiled to himself but wasn’t sure why then he slipped out of bed and pulled on a different pair of trousers. 

Alex made his way to the dining area and inhaled the lush smell of fresh bread, ham and eggs. He settled in quickly and tried a bit of everything, savouring every bite. He couldn’t remember the last time he’d overindulged on breakfast and he definitely ate way too much but it all tasted so good. He was still enjoying a warm cup of tea when he spotted the familiar curls of Michael and, once again, found himself smiling into the cup. 

Michael didn’t say a word as he collapsed in the seat next to Alex and immediately reached for the coffee pot. Seeing him up close in the light, he looked very tired like he hadn’t slept much; Alex wondered how late he’d stayed up drawing. He wished he was better at making conversation, had no idea what to say to him but longed to just hear his gravelly voice. He pushed the sugar closer before Michael could even ask just to hear him mutter a simple ‘thanks’.

He found himself taking a second cup of tea just because Michael was still eating his breakfast but once he couldn’t linger any longer, Alex stood up to stretch his legs and made his way to the smoking room but the smell was overwhelming and he quickly left, found himself in the general room. He lingered there for a while too, watched some kids playing before he started to feel awkward so he turned tail and headed for his cabin.

When he pushed the door open, he found Michael sitting on his bunk with his sketchbook open in his lap. They each looked at the other for a moment.

“I’m sorry” Alex stammered “I didn’t mean to interrupt”  
“No uh I was just..” Michael looked around for somewhere to hide his sketches.  
“Please don’t stop on my account”  
“I uh…”

Michael closed the sketchbook and looked up at Alex, somewhat shyly. He dared to move closer, his eyes silently asked permission to join him and Michael simply nodded. Alex slowly lowered himself onto the bunk beside him and they quietly sat side by side for several moments. He wished he could think of something to say to him.

“I’ve never been good at making conversation” Alex decided to be brutally honest.  
“And yet you managed to talk a rich aristocrat from leaping to his death” Michael replied.  
“Well… I don’t believe it was my words that got through to him”  
“Oh?” Michael raised an eyebrow at him “did you win him over with your dazzling smile and innocent charm?”

Alex felt himself blushing at Michael’s words and nervously averted his eyes.  
“No, I uh… I just grabbed him and held his arm” he confessed “I guess the longer we stood there, the less he wanted to do it”  
Michael nodded his head in understanding.  
“You told me not to get involved and you just walked away” Alex started “how could you be so cold?”  
“People don’t tend to reach a decision like that lightly… Once you’re on that ledge, you’re there for a reason and you don’t go somewhere that no one will find you either”

Alex noticed the way his voice cracked with emotion.  
“Are you… talking from experience?” He heard himself ask then immediately regret.  
“I was in London a few months back” he started, stared at the closed sketchbook in his lap “just staring at the Thames and thinking of what it must’ve been like when it got so cold the river would freeze… they’d have festivals on the ice and everything but sometimes the ice wasn’t so solid and people would just fall straight through, into the icy river below and never be seen again” Alex shivered at the very thought “I started to wonder what it would be like to just disappear and the next thing I knew, I was on the bridge above, ready to jump”

He kept his shock from his face but at least he now knew what he’d suspected to be true, Michael was broken over something or someone and he was clearly still in pain.

“But once I was up there, I just felt this sense of serenity and a voice inside my head told me not to do it” he added “As I climbed back down, I found a piece of paper on the ground advertising the maiden voyage of this very ship so I told myself it had to be a sign”  
“What brought you to London in the first place?”  
“My wife”

That same feeling of being punched in the stomach washed over Alex.  
“And where is she now?” He asked. Michael’s eyes immediately filled with tears. “Forgive me, I overstepped, I should not have asked”  
“No, it’s… I uh don’t usually talk about this”  
“You don’t have to-”  
“She was better than me in every sense of the word and we both knew it but neither of us cared. I was completely taken with her which I couldn’t quite explain for she was the only woman to have ever truly caught my eye… and not a day goes by that I don’t think about that” he paused “she would’ve done better to have never met me”

Alex immediately reached for Michael’s hand.  
“Please, don’t ever think such a thing” he whispered. Michael looked up, into his eyes and Alex could see the tears still brimming in his hazel orbs.  
“We knew we could never truly have a life together so I convinced her to run away with me” he continued “we were on the first boat we found and set off to a new world… by the time we arrived in London, she was with child… my child… and she was my new World” his fingers curled into Alex’s as tears rolled down his cheeks “but winter came early and so did our child… complications arose and she was taken from me along with our daughter”  
Michael reached up and wiped his sleeve across his eyes.  
“I’m so sorry for your painful loss” Alex whispered.  
“If I’d just walked away, not fallen for her… she’d still be alive”

Alex was quick to place his hand under Michael’s chin and urge him to look up, to meet his gaze.  
“No” he whispered “don’t ever think like that”  
“It’s the truth, Alex, I killed her”  
“You did no such thing”  
“She deserved better”  
“She loved you, enough to run away with you, start a new life with you. I do not believe she regretted a single moment of her time spent with you”

Michael smiled at the statement as he wiped his eyes again.  
“Would you like to see her?” He asked him. Alex nodded his head.  
“Very much so” he was curious what kind of woman could catch his eye.

With a trembling hand, Michael picked up the sketchbook and flipped it open to the very first page then timidly, nervously, handed it to Alex. He accepted it with both hands even though it meant letting go of Michael’s. The image on the page was almost as stunning as a photograph and the woman’s beauty was easy to see why Michael had fallen so deeply in love.

“You drew this?” Alex whispered in awe. Michael merely nodded his head. “It’s breathtaking… she truly was beautiful”  
Her eyes were piercing, like she was staring right at Alex and into his soul. He was afraid she was silently judging him for sitting so close to Michael, touching him so intimately earlier.  
“May I… see some more?” He asked.  
“Sure” he paused “no, wait”

Michael reached for the sketchbook as Alex turned the page, he grabbed for it but several loose pages fell out. They both immediately dropped to the floor to collect the pages when Alex’s eyes took in the other images and he immediately began to blush.

“You uh you weren’t supposed to see those” Michael hastened to explain.  
“Well I… I’ve seen them now so… may I?” Alex continued to blush.

No longer embarrassed, Michael shrugged his shoulders and handed the pages to Alex then he took a step back and waited. Alex thumbed through the entire book of sketches; he was utterly shocked by how truly stunning Michael’s drawings were. The attention to detail was incredible especially on some of the more intimate images. Not only were there drawings of various women in varying states of undress, there was an equal number of images of naked men. One or two were so detailed, they left Alex feeling a little hot under the collar.  
He tried to appear nonplussed by the sight of naked women and naked men; one was easier to fake as he had little to no interest in women himself. Then he turned the page to find an image of the ship followed by quick sketches of their fellow passengers. The last image was a very rough, very incomplete picture of Alex. He gasped and looked up at Michael in surprise.

“You… You’re drawing me?” He couldn’t keep the shock from his voice.  
“I’m sorry, I should’ve asked” was it his imagination or was Michael blushing?  
“No, it’s fine… I uh… can’t wait to see it finished”  
“I still should’ve asked”

Alex handed the sketchbook back to Michael and their fingers touched. He felt a jolt shoot through him but maybe that was the lingering effects of the images of erect cocks he’d just been looking at.

The door to the cabin opened and one of their bunk mates came in, chuckling to himself.  
“Can you believe the gall of those stuffy first-class passengers?” He said to them “some rich doctor is swanning about claiming to have gotten lost but is refusing to leave until he finds the passenger who broke regulations and was up on deck last night”

Alex felt his heart skip a beat. Could it be that Kyle had come looking for him?  
“Really?” He tried to stay neutral “have they really got nothing better to do with their time?”  
But he found himself moving towards the door, didn’t say goodbye to Michael as he slipped into the hall and hurried off towards the recreation area. He rounded the corner and suddenly found himself face to face with Kyle who looked very out of place down in third class with his first-class suit.

“Alexander” he greeted him with a smile. “I was hoping to find you here”  
“Did you really come down here just to find me?” Alex asked him.  
“I did”

He whipped off his expensive jacket and threw it around Alex’s shoulders.  
“Come with me, quickly” Kyle whispered. He placed his hand on Alex’s lower back and quickly ferreted him away from third class and up to the deck above, out into the bright sunshine and into a World Alex could only ever imagine.


	4. How the Other Half Lives

Everything was brighter, bolder, more beautiful up here in the bright light of day. He walked along the deck with Kyle, watching as children laughed and played together. Further along the deck, several passengers were engaged in a game of shuffleboard. Alex looked around, eagerly taking it all in. Kyle chuckled to himself.

“Try not to look do doe eyed” he said to him “just… act like you belong here”  
“I’m afraid I don’t know how to do that, Sir” Alex admitted.  
“Just keep your head up and you’ll be fine”

They continued to stroll around the deck until Kyle was approached by another similarly dressed man. He immediately whispered in Alex’s ear ‘my valet, don’t say a word’. Alex did as instructed while Kyle conversed with the man then quickly sent him on his way.

“It was no easy feat to give him the slip last night” Kyle confessed. Alex felt his heart skip a beat.  
“And yet you somehow managed” Alex responded.  
“Well I was pretty determined”  
“Are you still? Determined?”  
“Less so”  
“I know it wasn’t my place to… stick my nose in to your business”  
“I’m rather glad you did though”  
“Did you truly believe it was your only solution?”  
“Yes”  
“And how do you feel now?”

But Kyle didn’t answer as he held open the door for Alex. He stepped past and fell in step with Kyle, having no idea where they were going. Along the deck was a series of chess boards.

“Do you play?” Kyle asked him.  
“Uh, no” Alex replied, somewhat embarrassed.  
“Not to worry, I’ll teach you”

Kyle pulled out a chair for Alex and they sat opposite each other for quite some time as Kyle carefully explained the rules. It was a lot to take in though Alex was a fast learner but before they could become too invested in their game, it was time for lunch.

Alex apologized and started to take his leave, began to remove the jacket but Kyle stopped him.  
“Have dinner with me tonight, please?” Kyle asked him.  
“Sir, I simply couldn’t… I wouldn’t even make it through the doors looking like this” Alex hated having to decline.  
“Meet me here at 6, trust me”  
“Sir, Kyle-“  
“Please, Alexander, promise to meet me here”  
“Okay, I promise”

Kyle pulled his jacket back over Alex’s shoulders and smiled at him. With the promise of seeing each other again, Alex slipped away and back down to the third-class levels. He carefully removed the jacket and folded it over his arm then hurried back to his empty cabin where he hid it under his pillow then made his way to the communal eating area.   
Alex was disappointed to not see Michael’s curls amongst the masses of people. Feeling dejected, he sank into the nearest seat and while he ate, he replayed his morning with Kyle in his mind and his conversation with Michael. There was still so much he wanted to ask him and hoped he’d get the chance sooner rather than later.

*

After lunch, Alex made his way to the smoking room and found Michael sitting at the bar, hunched over a glass of scotch. He wanted to join him but was afraid he’d be interrupting his alone time. Michael had shared a lot with Alex, it made sense he’d want to be with his thoughts now; it also explained why he was drinking. Alex stood by the door, just watching him, wanted to just walk over and sit down but he didn’t have that level of confidence so he turned and left.

He made his way to the cabin but two of his bunk mates were playing cards and he didn’t wish to disturb them either. So, for the second time in two days, he found the baths and cleaned himself up. For the first time, ever, he felt he wanted to look presentable. He’d felt like a fish out of water up on the deck with Kyle, he’d have to do better this evening.

When he returned to the cabin again, it was deserted so he sat on the bunk and pulled the jacket out from under the pillow and just held it. The material was expensive and he knew he’d have to take care of it in order to return it. His fingers traced the lining and found the pocket; hand slipped inside and touched a folded piece of paper. He pulled it out and unfolded it. The image on the page made his heart skip a beat. It was a different drawing to the one he’d seen in Michael’s sketchbook but was equally as impressive.

He sighed; folded the page and tucked it inside his rucksack for safekeeping then he put the jacket away too and went looking for Michael but upon checking everywhere he could think of, he still couldn’t locate him. Alex even asked a passing steward if he knew of anywhere else passengers congregated but his question was answered with a scoff and a smirk. Alex definitely felt he was missing out on some private joke but he eventually had to accept he wasn’t going to find him before he had to leave to meet Kyle. The disappointment he felt was much stronger than he anticipated it to be, he wanted Michael to know he appreciated his drawing and would treasure it but time was getting away from him and he needed to meet Kyle.

His nerves were getting to him but he forced himself to remain calm as he made his way through the halls. The jacket felt heavy to him but he kept his head up high and rounded the corner to find Kyle already waiting for him. His face lit up at the sight of Alex and he couldn’t help smile back at him. When Kyle approached, slid his arm around his waist, Alex felt himself blush and hated himself for it but Kyle merely smirked.

“I was afraid you’d change your mind” Kyle said to him.  
“I made you a promise” Alex assured him “and I am a man of my word”  
“Good, good”

Hand still on Alex’s lower back, he escorted him along the corridor then opened a door to an exquisite state room. Alex couldn’t hold back a gasp.  
“This is your room?” He asked as he looked around in awe.  
“Money can buy you a lot” Kyle said “but it can’t buy you everything”  
“I suppose there are some things you can’t put a price on”

Kyle moved aside while Alex continued to take in the finely furnished room. He turned around and saw Kyle holding out another set of clothes.

“Put these on” Kyle urged “they should fit you”  
“Sir-”  
“Alexander, please? Through there is fine”

Alex shrugged and took the offered clothing. He followed to where Kyle indicated and pulled the door closed. His heart was racing as he stripped off his clothes and slipped into these vastly expensive ones. When he returned to Kyle, the other man simply nodded in approval.

“Splendid” Kyle said with a nod and a smile “shall we?”  
“Where exactly are we going?” Alex asked him.  
“You’ll see”

Kyle led the way, from his state room all the way to the Grand Staircase where they walked together into the most elegant ballroom Alex had ever seen. The sight alone caused him to stop and just stare; Kyle chuckled.

“It’ll help you blend in more if you don’t look so doe eyed” he whispered.  
Alex blushed and immediately apologized but Kyle simply laughed and escorted him to their table. Waiters were already beginning to serve wine.

“Lift the wine glass slowly to your lips, don’t guzzle” Kyle whispered in his ear as they took their seats. Alex wanted to feel offended that Kyle felt the need to explain something so simple to him but he’d never been privy to such high society before so he was secretly grateful for the man’s guidance.

Alex carefully raised the glass and took a small sip. He’d never been much of a wine drinker but it tasted wonderful; made a point to ensure he paced himself for the last thing he wanted to do was drink himself into a stupor. The first course was served and he found himself nervously watching Kyle who, again, leaned over and whispered helpful instructions to him.

It was nerve wracking yet exciting, terrifying and exhilarating. The company at the table were all rich, snobby men who were oddly curious about Alex but Kyle fed them a convincing story of Alexander being a wealthy entrepreneur who’d fallen on hard times and was scampering home after several business plans had fallen through. Not one person questioned this and the conversation swiftly moved on. Kyle was the only one at the table to pay any attention to him but Alex was fine with that; he especially liked the way Kyle would lean close to whisper in his ear, place a hand over his to help him select the correct cutlery.

The food was absolutely incredible and Alex forced himself to not overindulge. He’d thought the simple food in third class was in abundance but up in first class, it was like a dream. There were so many courses, the food just kept coming and coming but he was determined to try it all. When the last of the plates had been cleared away, one of their dinner companions asked if they would join them for a drink in one of the smoking rooms. Alex was curious but Kyle politely declined for the both of them. The rest departed, leaving Alex and Kyle at the table but it wasn’t long before Kyle suggested they take their leave too.

Around them couples were taking to the dancefloor and Alex wished he knew how to dance but Kyle was already on his feet, waiting for Alex to do the same so he followed his lead and trailed behind him all the way back to the staircase. Once there, Alex feared their time together would be coming to an end but was proven wrong when Kyle indicated for him to keep following him. He had no idea where they were or where they were headed until they were, once again, outside Kyle’s room.

Neither said a word as Kyle held the door open for him; Alex smiled nervously as he moved past him and into the room. Kyle pushed the door closed then made his way over to the cabinet where he poured two glasses of scotch and handed one to Alex. He was hesitant as he’d had a lot of wine with dinner but was too polite to decline so he merely sipped the scotch.

He could feel Kyle watching him and felt somewhat uncomfortable but he wasn’t exactly sure why. He tried to make small talk about the scotch yet realized Kyle wasn’t even listening to him. When Kyle moved closer, into Alex’s personal space, his heart began to hammer in his chest. Kyle reached up and carefully took the glass from him, placed it aside then held his gaze. There was something in his eyes that Alex hadn’t seen before.

“It’s getting late” Alex said, nervously. “I should probably go”  
He took a step back only to have Kyle take a step forward.  
“You could stay longer” Kyle whispered in his ear.  
“Sir?”  
“There’s no rush for you to go running back down to steerage; not when you could stay here and enjoy the perks of first-class lodgings”  
“I should change and return to my proper station”

Kyle scoffed.  
“Proper station” he said “what’s proper about segregation?”

Alex stepped around him as Kyle poured himself another drink. He moved into the other room where he’d left his own clothes and hurried to change back into them. He instantly felt more comfortable in familiar clothing but it was difficult to let go of the stunning jacket. When he returned to the main room, Kyle was still waiting for him.

“I do not mean for you to hurry away” Kyle started.  
“It’s fine, Sir, I really wish to thank you for such a wonderful evening” Alex replied.  
Kyle stepped closer again and looked into Alex’s eyes.  
“I shall ask once more” he began “and be as succinct as possible for I have this entire room to myself. You are more than welcome to stay the night”

Alex swallowed nervously.  
“Sir, I believe that to be a very bold request” he stated.  
“One that you are at least considering?”  
His entire body trembled with nerves.  
“I do not believe we know each other well enough for me to accept such an offer; I have exploited your hospitality enough for one evening”

If Kyle was disappointed, he hid it well for he merely nodded and started towards the door but veered off to pick up the jacket again which he handed to Alex.  
“Meet me for supper tomorrow evening, please?” Kyle whispered, almost shyly. “We can get to know each other better until you can accept my offer”  
Alex smiled at these words; Kyle wasn’t offended and was already organizing another meet up. Seeing Kyle like this, with his charm and confidence, it was hard to think he was the same man for the deck the previous night.

Alex folded the jacket over his arm then reached out and placed his hand upon Kyle’s shoulder.  
“I shall see you tomorrow evening, Sir” Alex said to him.  
“Oh Alexander”  
“You have my word, Sir, shall we meet at the same time and same place as today?”  
“Definitely”

Before he opened the door, Kyle reached up and placed his hand upon Alex’s cheek. For a brief second, he believed Kyle was maybe going to kiss him but it never came. Alex wasn’t sure if he was disappointed by this or not. Kyle held the door for him and Alex slipped out with the promise of seeing each other the following day.

*

There was an excited bounce in his step as he made his way along the corridor and back down to third class. The decor of the ship grew steadily plainer as he left the beauty of first class behind. Everything was so grand and, somewhat over the top. He definitely felt out of place but Kyle had been in his element, had been raised to that lifestyle. Alex was slightly envious; some people were just born lucky… but Kyle didn’t act that he felt he was better than Alex and that alone made him smile.

He rounded the corner and pushed open the door to his cabin, made his way to his bed and once again hid the fine jacket under his pillow. Alex peered at the bunk below his; it was empty. He hid his disappointment for perhaps he’d be able to find Michael still awake somewhere. He turned and left the cabin, headed to the communal area which was already starting to empty out. A handful of people were still dancing while a young man played the piano in the corner.

Alex got himself a drink and sat down to watch the passengers; there was no sign of Michael. He held his glass, sipping from it slowly until the rest of the room cleared out. Once there was but a few remaining, Alex made his way to the piano and sat down. He hadn’t played in a long, long time but only the crew remained so he felt less self-conscious as he began to play a simple lullaby followed by another.

A member of staff appeared by his side with another drink and placed it upon the piano.  
“I’m supposed to tell you to call it a night” he said to him “but everyone else is done for the evening so just promise to keep it down”  
“I will” Alex said with a smile.

He turned back to the piano and started another song, became so lost in the melody that he almost forgot where he was until a voice from the bar interrupted.

“We’re closed” the barmen shouted to the new arrival.  
“I’m with him” Michael’s voice sent a nervous shiver down Alex’s spine but he didn’t turn around.

Alex continued to play but he could feel Michael’s eyes on him, sense him moving closer towards him the next thing he knew, Michael was sitting beside him on the bench but Alex continued to play through the end of the song.

“That was beautiful” Michael’s voice was soft, gentle and very close to Alex’s ear. “Do you know any others?”  
Alex nodded his head and started the last song he knew, nervous to sing these words when Michael was sitting so close to him. His entire body was tingling at just how close Michael was.

When he finally turned to look at him, Alex was surprised to see tears in Michael’s eyes. Without thinking, he reached up to wipe the single stray tear from his cheek. His heart was thumping so loudly he was certain Michael could hear it but he was surprised when Michael extended his own hand and took hold of Alex’s. They each looked into the other’s eyes and simply held their gaze for a long time.

Alex had never been one to take bold chances but in that very moment, all he wanted to do was lean over and kiss him. He couldn’t read the emotion in Michael’s eyes, wasn’t sure if he was brave enough to take the gamble. Alex slowly leaned forward.

“My wife used to sing that song to our child” Michael whispered.  
Alex immediately pulled away, ashamed he’d completely misread Michael’s behaviour.

“I’m sorry” Alex whispered “I shouldn’t have played it for you”  
“No” Michael insisted, he squeezed Alex’s hand that he was still holding on to “I’m glad you did… It was nice to hear it again”

They sat in silence for several minutes, neither knowing what to say after that. It pained him to do so but Alex pulled his hand from Michael’s grasp and placed both on the keyboard for one last song.  
Michael picked up Alex’s glass and downed the contents in one go.

“Thank you” Michael said again.  
“You’re welcome” Alex’s voice hitched.

Michael got to his feet and started to walk away but Alex reached out and grabbed his hand to stop him.

“Where were you this afternoon?” Alex asked him. “I was looking and you seemed to just disappear”  
“Where were you this evening?” Michael replied. “You weren’t at supper”

Alex let go of Michael’s hand and spun around on the bench to look at him.  
“I accepted an invitation to dine upstairs this evening” he explained.  
“Upstairs” Michael repeated. Alex felt he was being mocked.  
“Kyle asked me to dine with him”  
“Ah… I see, he wanted to thank his white knight”  
“He was being polite”  
“Sounds cruel, if you ask me. We’re not exactly dressed for first class, fine dining”

He averted his eyes, almost shyly.  
“That wasn’t an issue” Alex said.  
“How so?” Michael asked.  
“Kyle loaned me clothes”  
“So he dressed you up to make you look like one of them”

Alex immediately got to his feet, stepped into Michael’s personal space and looked into his eyes.

“I had a lovely evening” he insisted “with people I wouldn’t normally associate with, regardless of what I was wearing and I shall ask you to keep any negative opinions to yourself”  
“You still want to know where I was today?” Michael snapped. “Because that’s gonna require you to keep your negative opinions”

“Why are we arguing about this?” Alex’s voice softened. “Can’t we just be friends?”  
“Friends?” Michael snorted. “You think that’s all Kyle wants from you too?”  
“Sir… Michael, I… I don’t believe I like what you’re insinuating”  
“Too close to home?”

Alex’s eyes darted left to right, to ensure they were well and truly alone and couldn’t possibly be overheard. He was about to dig himself into a hole that he would never be able to climb back out of; he was also about to be taking a lot on faith with Michael.

“He invited me to…” Alex paused “stay the night in his room”  
“Did he?” Michael raised an eyebrow at him.  
“He did”  
“And yet you’re here? Not there with him”  
“You don’t seem surprised to hear he made such a request”  
“I’d have been more surprised to learn he hadn’t asked”

Alex blinked in confusion; how could Michael possibly know these things about him? About Kyle?   
When Michael leaned closer, he swallowed his nerves.

“Why did you turn him down?” He whispered.  
“Because I was embarrassed” Alex admitted.  
“Embarrassed? Have you never…?”  
“No, Sir, not ever”

Michael’s face broke into a wide smile.  
“You should come with me” Michael said to him “if you trust me, that is”  
“I trust you” Alex nodded his head.

Michael reached for his hand but grasped his wrist and swiftly led the way from the communal area. Alex threw caution to the wind and kept in step with Michael as they made their way down a series of corridors then a staircase or two. It didn’t take long until Alex was completely lost but Michael appeared to know exactly where he was going.  
They reached a dead end and Alex was confused until Michael reached up and knocked four times.

A door he hadn’t even noticed opened in and a man in crew uniform eyed them both. His gaze fell to Michael and he merely nodded his head then stepped aside for them. Michael’s hold shifted from Alex’s wrist to his hand as he led the way down yet another corridor. Music reached his ears and Alex looked to Michael in confusion but when they rounded the corner, he stopped dead in his tracks in complete awe.

All around him, everywhere he looked, were happy couples dancing together to the music. Some were holding each other close; others were kissing, wrapped so tightly around the other Alex couldn’t see where one ended and the other started. But the most eye-opening part was that each couple were made up of members of the same sex. He saw one young man grinding another up against the nearest wall.  
He looked to Michael who was merely chuckling at Alex’s shocked expression. He was even more surprised when Michael reached for him, pulled his body closer to his own and wrapped his arms around Alex’s waist.

“There’s no shame down here” Michael assured him “no judgement, just people allowed to be themselves”  
Alex nodded as Michael grabbed his arms and placed them around his neck before retaking his hold around his waist. He’d never been this intimate with another man before but he just knew that it felt right. For a brief moment, he wondered if he’d ever see himself dancing like this with Kyle.

“How did you find this place?” Alex shouted over the loud music.  
“I knew who and how to ask” Michael replied as he spun them both around then dipped Alex who laughed.

They danced together for three more songs until another gentleman interrupted and asked if he could have the next dance. Michael stepped aside and Alex was immediately swept off his feet as the next song began. The rest of the evening passed in a fun, exciting blur. Alex laughed and danced and had one of the most exhilarating nights of his life. He was eternally grateful to Michael for opening his eyes in such a way; he’d believed something to be wrong with him, the odd perversion that he felt towards other men yet here he was, surrounded by so many like-minded people.

When the evening curfew hit, the room was forced to clear out and Alex was surprised to see there were equal number of passengers from all three classes taking their leave. As he walked back to their cabin with Michael, Alex dared to voice a burning question.

“How did you know about places like that” he asked “when you were married to a woman?”  
“Because she wasn’t the first person I fell in love with” he admitted “or even the second but she was the first and only woman”  
“Was it because she could give you a child?”  
“No; I just met her and fell instantly in love but if I hadn’t… she could still be alive”  
“I’m sorry for your loss”  
“Some days I miss the life she and I could’ve had together but there’s nothing I can do about it now”  
“Thank you for sharing all this with me”

They turned the corner and Michael pushed open the door to their room. It was dark as their bunk mates were all sleeping so they were cautiously quiet. Alex whispered goodnight to Michael before climbing into his bunk. As he lay in the darkness and waited for sleep to claim him, all he could think about was Kyle’s offer and Michael’s arms around his waist. How was he falling for two such different men?


	5. Draw Me Like One of Your French Girls

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I apologize for the chapter title, these words are never said but I just *had* to do it

Alex slept late the following morning and was the last of his cabin to arise. By the time he made it to the communal eating area, he’d just missed breakfast or so he thought. Michael was sitting at a table in the corner with his sketchbook and was casually sketching an image of a passenger across the room. Alex shyly sat down beside him only to have Michael casually push a plate across to him with fresh bread.

“Didn’t think you were gonna make it” Michael said without looking up from his drawing “this was all they’d let me keep aside for you”  
“You wanted to save me some breakfast?” Alex sounded surprised but felt touched by the gesture.  
He reached for the bread as his stomach grumbled and he blushed in embarrassment but Michael merely pretended not to notice.

Alex watched Michael as he worked, admiring the way his hand moved across the paper, crafting a stunning image. When Michael was finished, he held it up for Alex’s approval. He nodded unable to speak with his mouth full of bread then he watched as Michael got to his feet, crossed the room and handed his sketch to the young woman he’d drawn. The shock and smile on her face were all Michael needed and he walked back to join Alex at the table but sank down opposite this time.

“So” Michael began “what are your plans for the day?”  
Alex swallowed the last mouthful of bread.  
“I uh I hadn’t thought about it” he confessed.  
“You uh wanna take a walk on deck?”  
“With you?”  
“No, by yourself… of course with me”  
“Uh sure, okay, I’d like that”

They made their way up to the deck where several kids were running about and playing. Michael secured a couple of deck chairs and they sat down, watched their fellow passengers enjoying the fresh sea air. Alex asked more about Michael’s wife and was relieved when he wasn’t shut down, Michael liked talking about her and he said as much. Talking about her kept her memory alive he said.  
But Michael asked questions too and Alex answered as best he could but there wasn’t much for him to say. Both his parents had passed and left him nothing, he’d pawned everything to survive then when he had nothing left, he bought a ticket to America to try for better luck. He didn’t even know what he wanted to do with himself once he got there. Had never even voiced this to another, that he didn't know where his life was heading.

Talking to Michael gave him confidence and he didn’t know why. Just being around him, made him feel he could do anything, achieve everything. He even admitted that maybe one day he’d like to own his own shop, didn’t really care what he sold, would just like to have something of his own, somewhere he could work hard to feel like he was doing something, earning something.

Michael joked Alex should open a gallery to sell art and Alex chuckled, asked if Michael would be his first patron and he immediately said yes. They spent the next hour talking about where to buy a storefront and how to attract other artists. It was a dream Alex had never considered before and by the time they were making their way back to the communal dining area for lunch, he could already see the gallery in his head. Could picture Michael with a paintbrush tucked behind his ear and splashes of paint in his wild curls. The thought alone made him smile.

While they enjoyed a hearty lunch, Michael continued to scribble away in his sketchbook. Afterwards, he pushed the page across for Alex to see an exquisite logo above a store front. The sign over the door read ‘Malex’s’. Alex frowned and looked up at Michael.

“Well I figure if we’re business partners, we should both have a share of the name” he explained “it's a mix of my name and yours”  
“I like it” Alex agreed “it has a nice sound to it”

After they finished eating, a crowd had gathered around the piano where an elder gentleman was playing a jovial tune. Several couples were up dancing and Alex couldn’t help remembering how closely he’d danced with Michael the previous night. The way his hands had felt around his waist, how Michael’s curls had felt twisted around his fingers. A part of him knew it was wrong to feel this way yet touching Michael had felt so right. He wondered what he’d feel if he’d allowed Kyle to touch him in such a way, how different he’d be right now had he not walked away last night, had spent the night in Kyle’s room. He wondered if Kyle would ask him again, would his answer be different now that Michael had shown him there were others who felt like he did, that his attraction to Kyle wasn’t wrong.

Alex pushed his empty plate aside and got to his feet, his eyes silently asked Michael to follow suit. He too pushed his plate away and stood up, followed Alex from the dining area all the way back to their empty room. Alex pushed the door closed behind them and affixed the lock though he didn’t expect any of their bunk mates to return to the room anytime soon.

“Close your eyes” Alex said to Michael. He did so without any hesitation. “I was thinking about what you said last night, about the classes and the segregation. In your drawings, everybody is equal. When you see the person, their station doesn’t matter”

Alex very slowly and very quietly began removing his clothing while he spoke.

“Your drawing of me was beautiful but I know you feel you rushed it because you were sketching me without permission so I’m giving you permission to draw me” he continued as he reached under the pillow and slid his arms into Kyle’s jacket. It hung just below his waist so when he closed the bottom two buttons, it just barely covered his modesty.

“Can you draw me like this?” Alex asked then watched as Michael’s eyes opened and widened in shock of seeing him so scantily dressed.

Michael didn’t say a word so Alex immediately feared he’d done something to offend him and tried to apologize but Michael moved toward him and reached for both his hands.

“It would be an honor to draw you like this” Michael whispered to him. Alex felt the tension leave his body.

He allowed Michael to guide him onto his top bunk then followed his instructions for how best to pose. He blushed when Michael reached out to undo one of the two buttons. Alex’s heart was racing as he lie on the bed with but a single piece of fabric covering his body. Michael examined and scrutinized him closely before climbing onto the opposite bunk and starting to draw.

The longer Alex lay on the bed, staring at Michael and watching him work, the harder it became to keep his body in check. His heart was pounding like a sledgehammer and Michael kept licking his lips. He wondered if Michael was doing it on purpose or just subconsciously but either way it caused Alex to have some rather impure thoughts.  
Then it happened that Alex felt the urge to sneeze, the room had become slightly colder and he was barely dressed. He lifted his hand to cover his mouth and sneezed rather violently enough to shake his entire body and cause the jacket to ride up.

He was completely exposed for Michael to see but Michael remained ever so professional though Alex blushed a shade deeper than the darkest red as he hurried to cover himself back up. However Michael was essentially done and a few moments later, he slid down from the bunk and crossed the small room to show Alex the drawing.

“It’s perfect” Alex declared. “Absolutely perfect”  
“Alex… I uh have another drawing I did without permission” he admitted as Alex sat up and pulled the sheet from his bunk over his lap. “I know you’re having dinner with him again tonight and that… you have feelings for him”

Alex swallowed his response, unable to confirm or deny any of what Michael was saying to him. He watched as Michael rummaged in his bag and pulled out a crumpled piece of paper which he handed to Alex. His hand was shaking as he flattened the paper and gasped. Michael had drawn an image of Alex and Kyle at the bow of the ship, Kyle on one side of the railing and Alex on the other. In the drawing, they were kissing.

“I’m sorry” Michael whispered “I was still on the deck that night; I stayed in case you needed my help or if, God forbid, he’d actually jumped… I didn’t want you to be alone if that happened and I saw him kiss you… noticed you didn’t pull away”  
“That’s why you took me down below last night” Alex’s voice croaked as he fought back tears.  
“It’s okay to feel the way you feel about him… But I drew this and was going to sneak it into your bag for you to find after we docked… So that you’d have a reminder of your heroism”  
“I don’t know what to say”  
“Just… say you’re not mad at me”  
“Never, Michael… Thank you for another beautiful drawing. Your gift is… truly a gift”

The bell sounded in the hall and they exchanged a smile as they realized just how long they’d been locked in the room for. Alex needed to get dressed if he were to make it on time to meet Kyle. He tucked the sketch Michael had given him into his bag and hurried to pull his clothes back on.

Once he was dressed, Michael nodded his approval and they headed out together. They reached the turn in the hall where Alex had to take the stairs up to the higher deck and Michael would turn to the communal dining area. As Alex placed his foot on the bottom step, Michael reached out and pulled him into a warm embrace. Alex couldn’t resist sliding his fingers into the man’s curls.

“I guess I’ll see you in the morning” Michael whispered in his ear “have a great night and good luck, you’ll be fine”

Alex nodded his head but couldn’t find the right words to say back. He watched as Michael walked away, Michael believed Alex was going to spend the night in Kyle’s room… with Kyle and he didn’t seem at all phased by it. Maybe he’d read Michael completely wrong and the two of them were just meant to be friends.  
The clock chimed and Alex hightailed it out of there, up the many flights of stairs until he found where he was going and there was Kyle, waiting for him with a smile on his face. His heart skipped a beat as he stepped forward and shook Kyle’s hand in greeting.


	6. Wine, Pudding & Disaster

Alex, once again, followed Kyle to his cabin and was quickly escorted inside. Kyle closed the door and turned to look at Alex who felt himself blushing under the man’s gaze. He followed the instructions to go forth and change into more suitable clothing which he did, when he stepped into the main room, Kyle nodded his head.

“Are we dining in the same place as last night?” Alex asked.  
“No, not tonight” Kyle replied “I thought we’d try somewhere different”

It was after 8pm by the time they were seated at a secluded table, just the two of them. All around them, other couples and families dined together though there also appeared to be many smaller groups of men too. Kyle informed him that many important business meetings happened in restaurants such as this.

“Is that what this is?” Alex enquired “a business meeting?”  
“Why would you think such a thing?” Kyle wondered.  
“Well, I saved your life, provided you a service… and now you’re taking me to dinner as repayment”  
“I took you to dinner last night to show my gratitude… this evening's meal is merely because I enjoy the pleasure of your company”  
“There are many other fine young men aboard this ship who would gladly dine with you, Sir, would enjoy your company”  
“But they would not appreciate it as much as you”  
“Because I’m poor?”  
“Because you’re limited by your purchased ticket… you said yourself how cramped it is in third class. You share a room with five other men while my bed alone could sleep five. A ship this big yet the size of the rooms just don’t seem right, do they?”  
“No Sir, they do not”

Kyle talked of his time in college and at medical school, shared tales of people he’d saved and struggles he’d overcome. Alex was impressed; if Kyle were using the evening to woo him, it was quite possibly working. The meal this evening had less courses which came out less frequently so it was quite late when Kyle climbed to his feet. Alex tried to hide his disappointment at not having desert yet but he followed Kyle from the restaurant, back to his room. Once inside, Alex immediately noticed a trolley with a serving tray. Too eager to see what was waiting for them, he lifted the lid and inhaled the scent of pudding, scones and eclairs.

“I thought perhaps you’d like to enjoy desert in private” Kyle said to him “away from the prying eyes and scrutiny of the other first-class passengers”  
“You did this for me?” Alex asked in awe.  
“Of course”

Kyle poured two glasses of wine and handed one to Alex then indicated for him to take a seat. Alex did as instructed and placed a napkin in his lap. Kyle stood beside him, placed the first item before him. He picked up the cutlery and started to work his way through the scone, as he ate, he could feel Kyle watching him and shyly looked up to meet his gaze but Kyle merely smiled at him.

“Tell me, is steerage as bad as it sounds?” Kyle asked.  
Alex raised his glass and took a sip.  
“The passengers are nice, friendly” he explained “my cabin mates are… less so”  
“Oh?”  
“Language barrier… three of them don’t speak English. The other has a rather lovely French accent”  
“And the other? You said you have five sharing your cabin”  
“Michael is… Well, he’s Michael. He’s a very talented artist, has produced some truly remarkable sketches” his mind immediately recalled Michael drawing him this afternoon.  
“Why, I do believe you’re blushing, Alexander”  
“Some of his images are quite… unfettered”  
“Unfettered? Have you not seen such… things before?”  
“I’m certain as a Doctor you become exposed to the human body quite frequently”

Kyle laughed but it did not sound cruel to Alex’s ears.  
“Please forgive me for being so… inexperienced in the ways of the World” Alex stated.  
Kyle slowly reached out and placed his hand atop of Alex’s.  
“Is that why you declined my offer last night?” He asked. Alex blushed again as he nodded his head. “Were I to make the same offer tonight, would your answer vary?”  
“Perhaps”

Obviously not wanting to push his luck, Kyle immediately retracted his hand and reached for the next plate but instead of placing it in front of Alex, he took the spoon himself and loaded it with pudding then slowly guided it towards Alex’s lips. He watched as Alex’s mouth closed over the spoon and they stared into each other’s eyes. Kyle started to pull the spoon away but Alex’s tongue darted out to lick the cutlery with a small wink.

He didn’t even know what he was doing but there was that same look in Kyle’s eyes that appeared to be saying ‘stay with me tonight’ and the small voice in his head was shouting at him to say yes.  
Underneath the table, his body was also telling him to stay and his reaction was becoming more and more prominent.

Kyle dropped the spoon, moved around the table and pulled Alex to his feet. They stared into each other’s eyes for a beat until Kyle made the first move and pulled Alex forward to meet him in a long, lingering kiss. His entire body shuddered or so he thought; once they parted, he looked to Kyle in confusion.

“Did you feel that?” Alex asked him.  
“I think my heart shuddered” Kyle replied.  
“I think the entire ship shuddered”  
“You’re right, there must be an issue with the engine”  
“Why do you think that?”  
“Listen… not a sound, we’ve stopped moving”

Alex watched as Kyle moved away and headed for the door; he opened it and peered out into the hall but pulled back and closed it again.

“Well there’s nobody out there in a panic” he explained “I’m sure everything’s fine”

He moved back towards Alex, slid his arms around his waist and started to place a series of kisses to his neck.

“Sir” Alex began to protest “Kyle, please?”  
“What is it? What is wrong?”  
“I uh really want to finish the pudding”

Kyle laughed, his breath tickled Alex’s skin, and nodded his head in understanding. He pulled away then gestured toward the table, indicated it was okay for Alex to retake his seat.

“I’m sorry” Alex apologized “but it’s my favorite desert and I… do not get to have it often”  
“I confess, I tend to overindulge on desert on occasion so I forget myself… please, enjoy all you can”

Alex was glad Kyle had not been offended, he’d decided honesty would work in his favor. Yes, a part of him was buying more time to help curb his nerves but he really did wish to enjoy the pudding while it was still warm. So he sat back down, picked up the spoon and continued to savor the taste. His eyes watched Kyle watch him until he loaded up the spoon and offered it to him. Kyle moved closer but before he could take a bite, Alex retracted the spoon and placed it in his own mouth this caused Kyle to laugh again but he leaned forward and stole a kiss from Alex’s lips.

They both laughed and he felt himself relaxing just a little bit. Once the plate was empty though there were no other distractions so he politely asked if he could wash up. Kyle nodded and pointed him towards the other room. Alex stepped past and pulled the door closed behind him. He turned and let out a tiny whistle of approval; Kyle hadn’t been kidding, his bed really could sleep five.  
Alex found the basin and washed his face, took a moment to examine his reflection. His brown hair was still neat enough but were his lips looking strange now? He laughed at himself. His lips hadn’t changed their appearance just because he’d kissed someone, that was absurd. He paused when he thought he heard a sound but when he turned back the door hadn’t been disturbed.

Alex opened the door and frowned when he noticed Kyle had shed his jacket, his shirt and his shoes. He couldn’t resist raising an eyebrow in a silent question.

“What happened to your clothes?” He asked.  
“A steward knocked upon my door” he explained “and I wished him to believe he’d woken me”  
“Is everything okay?”  
“Of course!” Kyle hurried across the room and poured two glasses of wine, handed one to Alex “engine trouble, they hope to fix it soon”

Kyle raised the glass to his lips and downed the entire contents in one swift swoop. Alex couldn’t help but stare.

“Perhaps you should pace yourself, Sir” Alex tried to sound polite.  
“Why do that?” Kyle poured another, tried to top up Alex’s untouched glass “the night is young, we are young and we are free… just you and me, here and now”

Kyle finished the glass and threw it down on the table before he reached for Alex, almost knocked his glass from his hand but he held steady. When Kyle’s lips found his, there was a desperate urgency that hadn’t been there before but it was hot and simply made Alex crave more. The glass slipped from his hand and spilt over the carpet.

“Gosh, Sir, I’m so sorry” Alex hastened to apologize. He tried to bend down to start cleaning it up but Kyle stopped him with another kiss.  
“Sir… Kyle, are you alright?”  
“I’m fine, no need to fret”  
“Do you hear that? The band is playing awful late up there”

Kyle was quick to wrap his arms around Alex’s waist and pull him close, began to kiss and tease the nape of his neck.

“It’s kind of romantic, isn’t it?” Kyle asked him.  
“I… suppose it is” Alex agreed as Kyle slowly danced them around the room. “Does the boat feel steady to you?”  
“I don’t know, I think I may be a little drunk”

Kyle continued to slow dance with Alex, moving the two of them in small circles around the room, closer and closer to the door until he took both of Alex’s hands in his and led him into the other room. He immediately started kissing him while his hands began to unbutton his borrowed shirt.

“I could be very abrupt and demand you take these clothes off right now” Kyle stated “I mean, they are mine after all”  
“Kyle-“ Alex started to say but was cut off by a kiss.

A part of him was scared, nervous and anxious about where this was leading as Kyle finished with the shirt buttons and reached for the crotch of his pants. He plunged his hand inside Alex’s undergarments and he gasped with arousal. He’d never been touched in such a way before then Kyle pushed him onto the bed and he sank into the soft, comfortable mattress. Kyle was by his side in an instant and he kicked his shoes off.

Kyle’s kisses were intoxicatingly addictive and Alex heard himself almost purring for more. He craved his lips, his taste and his touch. When Kyle started to lower Alex’s pants, exposed his growing arousal, Alex felt no shame merely a desperate need for release. Then Kyle was kissing him again but only for a moment before he started to kiss and lick a trail down Alex’s naked chest, past his abdomen and down between his legs. Kyle’s mouth closed over Alex’s hardness and he let out a low gasp of surprise.

He stared down at the man between his legs and licked his lips, reached down to bury his fingers in his hair. He was just slightly disappointed Kyle’s hair wasn’t as soft and curly as Michael’s. His fingers couldn’t find much to cling to but he voiced his appreciation perhaps a little too loudly for after but a few enthusiastic moments, Kyle released him and moved back up his body to kiss him again.

Kyle was unlike anything Alex had ever seen, he guided him without words until Alex was sitting up against the vast amount of pillows and Kyle himself shimmied out of his own clothing until he was completely naked, lying beside Alex.  
He started kissing Alex’s shoulder and neck until Alex reached up, placed a hand to his cheek and pulled him down to meet him in another tender kiss.

“You’ve never been with a man before?” Kyle whispered to him.  
“I’ve never been with anyone before” Alex admitted, blushing in shame and embarrassment.  
“You won’t be able to say that much longer”

Then Kyle was straddling him and Alex could only stare on in shocked awe as Kyle slid back against him, positioned himself just right then lowered himself onto Alex’s arousal. They both cried out in unison; Alex from surprised delight, Kyle due to the pain but it was the kind of pain he lived for, never got to experience enough. He hissed and winced but leaned forward to kiss Alex, to mask his pain.  
They moved together until Kyle whispered in Alex’s ear to ‘really pound into me’.  
Alex blushed but did as asked and thrust his hips as hard and vigorously as he dared. Kyle resumed their kisses as tears streamed down his face, Alex tried to brush them away.

Kyle rolled his hips again and again, revelling in the excitement of being with Alex in such an intimate way. Alex’s heart went out to Kyle who was clearly still in so much pain. He could see it in the way he looked at Alex. Had Michael been right all along and Kyle was destined to find another way to end it? Had Alex’s attempts all been in vain?

But Alex’s excitement was short lived for it didn’t take long for him to come, his seed spilling forth and coating Kyle’s passage. He blushed in embarrassment and tried to apologize, ashamed at himself but Kyle kissed him, reassured him, continued to ride him until he cried out Alex’s name and came all over Alex’s exposed abdomen. The way Kyle said his name sent a shiver through Alex’s body and he blinked away tears of his own as Kyle collapsed atop of him, both panting for breath. Alex felt he’d just run ten miles when in actual fact, all he’d done was have sex. He’d never have to lie again to drunk groups of strangers who didn’t believe he could still be a virgin at age twenty-three.

Alex reached out and wrapped his arms around Kyle who was resting his head upon Alex’s chest. He, once again, brushed his fingers through Kyle’s short locks.

“The band’s still playing” Alex whispered “it is romantic”  
“No, it's not” Kyle’s entire body was frozen, his eyes had once again taken on the defeated gaze. “There’s nothing romantic about dying”  
Alex chuckled.  
“I see your melancholy is back… Was I really that bad?”  
“No, you were perfect. It was perfect. Making love to you was perfect. Two nights ago, I believed kissing you was going to be the last thing I ever did but it wasn’t… No, making love to you before I die, that is all my heart really wanted tonight”  
“Kyle-“ Alex started, felt slightly disappointed that Michael had been right all along and Kyle still had a death wish. “Was all this for nothing?”  
“No, of course not… When I saw you on the dock at Southampton, I never dreamed someone as beautiful as you would ever feel anything for me… It’s why I was going to jump, why I wanted to end it… because this ship is taking me home, to an engagement party where I must pretend to be happy and in love but I could never feel that way about her”

Still Alex continued to stroke his fingers through Kyle’s hair, hoped and prayed the small gesture was comforting to him in some way.   
“Men like us, we don’t get to have a happily ever after” Kyle continued “because society won’t let us… it’s frowned upon unless you can find a way to… the only partnership they won’t question is a business one”

Alex pondered this for a moment, remembering the absurd plans he and Michael had made earlier that day to open a gallery together. He smiled at how excited Michael had been.

“When we get to New York, will I ever see you again?” Alex asked. Kyle sighed and closed his eyes.  
“We’re not going to make it to New York” he whispered. “The ship hit an iceberg and they’re launching the lifeboats now”  
“That’s not funny, Kyle, this ship is unsinkable”  
“It was a cocky bastard who insisted that but nothing is unsinkable… it wasn’t engine trouble; the ship is going down and we’re all going to die”

Alex looked down at Kyle, tried to read him but the other man was almost frozen in a trance. It was extremely unsettling which was why Alex started to believe him. His words sank in and Alex could feel the panic slowly building inside him; he hastened to extract himself from Kyle who merely reached for his hand.  
“Stay? Please?” Kyle whispered.  
“The ship is sinking?” Alex’s voice hitched “you knew before we… you didn’t tell me!”  
“I didn’t want you to leave me”  
“You’re sick… You let me… took me into your bed so we could… all I wanted was to help you”

He slid off the bed and looked down at Kyle in horror but Kyle just stared back at him, silently pleading with him. Alex picked up Kyle’s shirt and hastily cleaned the sticky substance from his stomach before he threw the soiled garment at Kyle then proceeded to get dressed in the discarded clothing.

“Alexander, please?” Kyle whispered through tear filled eyes. “It’s a fruitless endeavour…. there’s over two thousand people on board and barely enough lifeboats. Its fate, it’s inevitable, stay with me. Please?”  
“I should’ve let you jump”

Alex shoved his feet into his shoes and hurried from the room, the door slammed shut behind him and he could hear Kyle’s sobs but tried not to let the tears in his own eyes spill down his cheeks. He failed.


	7. Now there’s Something you don’t see every day

His heart was pounding in his ears as he hurried along the deserted hallways, everyone appeared to have cleared out of the first-class cabins already. He continued on to the nearest staircase and started down then down another. This was where he found fellow passengers in a panic and he wiped the tears from his face, not wanting them to see how distressed he was.

Alex rounded the corner and saw several crew members moving along the corridor, distributing life belts. One stopped him and insisted he put one on but he wasn’t interested, he recognized a crew member further along and hurried up to him, grabbed his arm while trying to remain calm.

“I know you” he hissed.  
“Sir, you must put a life belt on” the crewmen insisted.  
“You were guarding the door last night… down below deck”  
“Shhhhhh”  
“You need to get down there and warn everyone”  
“I can’t, not yet…. I have to be up here”  
“Have you been down there this evening?”  
“I left an hour ago”  
“The man I was with last night, was he there?”  
“I don’t believe so”  
“I have to find him”  
“Good luck, Sir, if he’s in steerage, you won’t be able to get to him”  
“Why not?”

The other crewmen disappeared around the corner with the remaining life belts.  
“They’re loading first class passengers first” he explained “measures have been taken to ensure the third-class passengers don’t… get in the way”  
“What kind of measures?”  
“I have to go, sorry sir….” his eyes examined Alex’s clothes “you should get up on deck, you can pass for a first-class passenger in those clothes…. but hurry”

He swung about and hurried away. Alex groaned in frustration then looked around to get his bearings. Along the corridor and down two more flights of stairs. Here he found two crewmen before a locked gate and several passengers yelling, begging for them to unlock it. He didn’t have time for that so he hurried along where the next two staircases were also locked. Alex started to run, trying to cover as much of the ship as he could, if he was lucky, he’d find a way.

He stopped when he saw a locked gate and no passengers behind it. On the opposite wall was an axe behind breakaway glass. He used his elbow to smash the glass then took the axe to the lock. Three, four, five attempts and the lock broke. Alex opened the gate and hurried down the stairs. Then he started to backtrack, hoped he’d remember the way back here. He used the axe to knock a few reminders into the wall.  
He turned a corner and found a family with young children, he directed them the way he’d just come and they hurried off.

Alex was really starting to panic now, what if he couldn’t find Michael? He didn’t want to think about it. He found his cabin and threw the door open but wasn’t surprised to find it empty. He sighed and hurried on, made his way to the common area where water was already seeping in, was past his ankles. A large group of men were sitting at a table, drinking, and Alex’s heart leapt when he recognized the familiar messy curls.

“Michael?” He practically screamed with relief.  
Alex hurried toward him, arms already stretched out to hug him but stopped when he realized Michael wasn’t as relieved to see him.  
“Alex? What are you doing here?” He gasped. Mixed emotions displayed in his hazel eyes.  
“Looking for you… Are you not happy to see me?”  
He knew he shouldn’t be surprised for Michael truly believed Alex was spending the night with Kyle.

“Of course I’m not happy to see you” Michael hissed “you were up in first class, you were safe, had a good chance to survive”  
“I came back for you”  
“Why would you do something so stupid?”  
“Because I…. I can’t open a gallery without an artist!”

Michael shook his head in disbelief but he was smiling too.  
“I know a way out” Alex confessed “I made us a way out, come on!”

“Anyone who wants to try to live, follow Alex!” Michael shouted to the room.  
Everyone was on their feet and Alex took the lead, followed the path he’d left for himself until he found the open gate and the broken lock. Once clear, the mass crowd took off in several directions.

Alex finally dropped the axe only to have Michael reach for his hand.  
“I have an idea” he said to him.  
Michael pulled Alex along the hall and through the crew galley. Once there, he unclipped a few locks and asked Alex to help. Between them they managed to open the hatch and the draft blasted them both. They stepped to the edge and Alex gasped when he saw just how quickly the ship was going down.

Michael turned and placed both hands on Alex’s shoulders, urged him to turn and look at him. Seeing the water, feeling the cold had sent Alex into a state of frozen fear. He stared into Michael’s eyes and could see that he was equally as scared.

“We’re going to swim for it” Michael said to him.  
“No, we’re not” Alex replied.  
“Yes, we are”  
“The water is freezing and there’s nowhere to swim to”  
“Yes, there is” Michael turned Alex’s body around and pointed into the distance at the already launched lifeboats. “Look, some of those boats aren’t even half full. All we have to do is get to them”  
“But they’re so far away”  
“And getting further the longer we stand here”  
“I… I don’t think I can do it”  
“Can you swim?”  
“Yeah”  
“Then you can do this”

Alex’s heart was racing; he didn’t want to die but he honestly didn’t think he could make it that far in the freezing cold water. He looked to the boats then back to Michael. He could practically hear his heart pounding in his ears and he sighed in defeat.   
If he wasn’t even prepared to try then he might as well have stayed with Kyle.

“I’m scared” Alex whispered.  
“I know” Michael said “I am too but don’t make me push you because I’m not going without you”  
“Michael…”

He could see nothing but fear, desperation and sincerity in Michael’s eyes. The next thing he knew, their lips came together in a hungry, desperate kiss. He didn’t know which of them had initiated it but his hand was in Michael’s curls, tugging aggressively. Michael’s hand was on Alex’s cheek, caressing the skin. It was everything he’d hoped it would be; Michael’s lips were already something he knew he’d be craving for the rest of his life… however long that may be. They slowly broke apart and for a brief second, their foreheads were merely touching, Michael was staring into his eyes and there was a quiet serene feeling between then until Michael released him.

“If I drown out there, I wanted to know that I at least got to kiss you, even if it was just once” Michael whispered.  
“When we get to New York and have our gallery” Alex told him, “you can kiss me every night before we go to bed and every morning when we wake up together”  
“I have to wait until we have our gallery before I can kiss you again?”  
“No” Alex hissed. Trust Michael to make a joke at a time like this. Perhaps he was just trying to distract Alex from what was happening around them and the dire situation they were now in.

He looked around and found a small pile of lifebelts in the corner. Alex walked over and picked up two, handed one to Michael and they tied them on while Alex told himself this wasn’t an insane thing to be doing.

Michael reached down and grasped Alex’s hand then they moved back towards the open hatch, Alex’s heart was racing as they stood on the edge. The water was even closer now. Hands still clasped, they turned to look at each other and both leaned in for one more kiss.  
They reluctantly parted and turned back to the dark, freezing water. Michael declared ‘on the count of three’ and they counted down together. 

With Michael’s hand in his, Alex jumped. The freezing temperature hit in an instant and he gasped in shock. Beside him, Michael swore at the chill. They released each other in order to begin the long swim. With each stroke, Alex felt like his body was protesting but he had to press on. He was determined to live, to rebel against Kyle who essentially was willing to let Alex die alongside him. He had to live for Michael, for the chance to be with him.   
The cold water made the trek a slow one but each time Alex slowed, needed a minute to psych himself up, Michael was there by his side to reassure him. Alex would pause then Michael would yell words of encouragement at him. He felt bad that he couldn’t voice anything back to him but he was certain his voice box had frozen.

The boats were growing closer and Alex wondered why more people weren’t being as crazy, stupid, reckless as he and Michael.

“Come on, Alex!” Michael yelled. “We can make it!”

Michael slowed to keep in pace with Alex until he saw how close the lifeboats were then he merely began to laugh for they’d done it. He reached the boat first and two male passengers pulled him into it. One tried to throw a blanket over him but he waved it off and reached down for Alex, to be the one to help him aboard.

They collapsed in an exhausted heap while the other passengers helped them to sit up and offered them the extra blankets, some admired their bravery and determination while others believed they were crazy. Michael chuckled as he wrapped a blanket around Alex and another around himself then they both sank down on the floor of the boat, huddled together so the others on board would believe they were just trying to keep warm when all they wanted was to be close to each other.

Underneath the blankets, Michael’s hand sought Alex’s and their cold fingers entwined, Alex leaned in and rested his head upon Michael’s shoulder.

“Do I even ask what happened with your rich doctor?” Michael whispered.  
“He didn’t tell me the ship was sinking” Alex replied.  
“Maybe he didn’t know”  
“He knew… He took me to his bed, knowing that if he didn’t tell me, we’d both die together”  
“Shit”

Alex looked up, could just see the grand ship over the side of the boat. The entire front of the ship was completely submerged. It was a sight to behold but it hurt to look at, they could hear the cries for help and the terrified screams yet no one in the boat was willing to go back and help. Alex was too cold, too exhausted to argue with anyone and beside him, he could tell Michael was too.

So they stayed huddled together, sharing their body heat and being perhaps a little more intimate than Alex thought they’d ever be but everything had changed now. 

A part of him still ached for Kyle. The man had everything but his pain had been too great for him to deal with. Alex was glad he’d talked him down, had bought him a few extra days and gotten to know him better. Under other circumstances, he may have even fallen in love with him rather than the lust and Kyle’s advances that had led him to the man’s bed.  
Hearing the truth of the ships impending fate, Alex’s only goal had been to find Michael. It had never once occurred to him to attempt an escape without the man. He didn’t regret any of the time he’d spent with Kyle but he was relieved to know that he would be able to spend a lot more time with Michael in the future.

“Now there’s something you don’t see every day” A passenger stated.

Alex looked up and watched in horror as the ship split plain in two. He quickly looked away and buried himself in Michael’s arms. Maybe he imagined it but he thought he felt a kiss pressed to his forehead.

“I had sex with Kyle tonight” Alex muttered just loud enough for Michael to hear.  
“I figured” Michael replied.  
“Are you mad?”  
“Mad? No…. Jealous, maybe”  
“Jealous?”  
“I uh would’ve liked to be your first”  
“Will you be my second? My third? My fourth?”  
“Whoa, slow down tiger. You’re making me tired just thinking about it”

Alex tried not to smile. Everything around him was terrible, the fear and the panic. He watched as the unsinkable ship of dreams disappeared beneath the surface of the water.  
He thought of the day he bought his ticket and of his desperate bid for a new, better life. Had known setting foot on that ship would change his life and it had.  
He gazed up and saw Michael watching him, his deep hazel eyes filled with worry and concern. Those same eyes had stared into his and convinced him to jump into freezing cold water and swim to safety. He closed his eyes and leaned into his embrace. He didn’t care who saw them right now, everyone on board was scared and holding onto their loved ones.

The air was cold, Alex could see his breath before him and buried himself under more blankets while pressing his body closer to Michael’s. The ship was gone, there was nothing on the horizon but the glow of the moon. He suddenly gasped and grabbed tightly to Michael’s hand, stared into his eyes as something occurred to him.

“Your drawings! Your sketches” Alex cried. “They’re all gone… All your hard work and now…”  
“It’s okay, I can make new ones” Michael assured him. “Better ones”

He reached up, placed his hand on Alex’s neck and brought their foreheads together. He lowered his voice.  
“Maybe in my next one, you can lose the jacket” he whispered.  
Alex blushed, immediately wondered what exactly he was about to get himself into, which path his life was going to take him now but one thing was certain, his life was never going to be the same after falling in love with Michael Guerin.


End file.
